Premarital Counseling · NYC
Premarital work isn’t a sign something’s wrong. It’s a sign you’re taking this seriously.
You’re not waiting until you’re stuck. You’re using the time when things are still good to learn how to handle the hard parts before they show up.
Who comes for premarital work
Most premarital couples I see are doing well and want to do better. You’re planning a wedding, you’ve been together a few years, and you’ve started noticing things you wish you handled differently. Maybe one of you shuts down during conflict. Maybe you have very different families of origin. Maybe you’ve been together long enough to know the patterns you’re worried about repeating.
Some couples come in around specific topics: kids, money, in-laws, careers, where to live. Others come in less for a specific issue and more to build a shared language for how you’ll handle whatever comes up.
What we’ll cover
- Conflict styles and how to repair after a fight that went sideways
- Communication patterns under stress
- Expectations around money, time, work, sex, kids, family
- Family-of-origin dynamics and how they show up in your relationship
- The hard topics you’ve been avoiding
- What each of you needs in order to feel close
It’s not therapy in the traditional sense. It’s more like building a toolkit together, with someone who can name the patterns you can’t yet see.
Why this works
Most relationship problems aren’t unique. Couples therapists see the same patterns over and over: pursue and withdraw, criticism and defensiveness, the imbalance of emotional labor, the parents you didn’t realize were in the room with you. Naming these patterns before you’re stuck in them gives you a real advantage.
My role here is to share what I’m noticing about the dynamic between you, ask questions you may not have asked each other, and gently push you when I see something worth pushing on. I’m a clinical instructor at Columbia and I’ve spent over a decade with couples across the full range. Premarital is some of the most rewarding work I do because the foundation we build sticks.
Common questions
Do you have to be religious or affiliated?
No. This is secular premarital work. Some couples are doing this in addition to religious counseling required by their tradition. Others are just doing this.
How long?
Most couples do 6 to 12 sessions, weekly. Some do more if there’s a specific issue they want to work on.
Can we start before we’re engaged?
Yes. A lot of couples come in while they’re seriously considering it. It’s also a good time to think about whether this is right.
Build the toolkit before you need it.
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